Broken and taking one step

via Daily Prompt: Broken

You would never really understand. How would you come to terms with all that happened to me? It is honestly not something I saw coming. I am sure it was no fault of mine. Yet it would not go away.

(Breathing), This is one thing that keeps bringing me to tears despite how far it seems I ‘escaped’ from its terror and fury. Its ‘fangs’ are actually poisonous, for it was never imagined.

I was naive and he took advantage of me and raped me. Just because I lost my mum untimely and the rest of my family in a car accident, I was labelled a wrecker, a witch and a person with ill luck. Or that I was born special with no limbs, made me become an object of ridicule by the society and those I saw as my friends. One mistake was enough for them to actually castigate and term me ‘useless’, an irresponsible fellow, a never-do-good individual. It could be as well that nobody in your family ever reckoned that you would become someone great. It could be as well that you were jilted by that person you swore was EVERYTHING to you or that son of yours went wayward& scorecard was blinking failure.

I could provide you with many scenarios which I am sure you could relate to. Right? That particular incident that went REALLY unpleasant that you wished, prayed and cried for a reversal which did not happen. It leaves you with the idea that you are an incomplete, shattered and defective being; one who is less perfect; one whose life is undesirable. Say hmm with me and lick your lips.

Firstly, no matter how much I try to struggle or resist this truth, I realize that unfavourable things do happen. Even to the best of persons. Yes! To that particular person that it looks has got it all figured out. Largely, it is no fault of yours and hence you’ve no control about that.

For me, it was a case of feeling not important, not knowing exactly what I was meant to do even though I was told I was intelligent (lol).  I wondered why I can’t be as charming, cool, well recognized, notable, leading others in something exciting and respected amongst my peers. I had that constant notion that I was of no value and at times while growing up, it weakened my will to live since I had NOTHING to contribute. Could that be your present state of affairs?

Now I smile! I smile because I knew that rather than diminish my worth and importance, I was directed to a source of immense and RICH life within me. My eyes were opened to LIGHT( which I saw by hindsight).

I am not here to sound the usual cliché of ‘All would be well’ or ‘All things work for good’, or even that ‘This meant well’, but to let you know that I UNDERSTAND because I experienced similar circumstance.

Take it step by step. You do not have to understand it all at once. At times, it can leave the impression that you are not making any progress. Strength may fail you and tempt you to withdraw. This is true. Yet! Even with all these, you are TRYING. Yes! Yes!! Yes!!!

That place where it appears to be ripped open; where it suggests your weakness is exposed, lies where your beauty would be expressed. It takes TIME. One day you would look back and be glad because it happened.

For now, just one step is OKAY.

Published by

Emmanuel Aginam

Passionate about building self esteem and self confidence. Always a LEARNER.

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