How do I look at my past when there is no glimmer of hope. How do I gaze at my past when the scars are numerous. How do I recount a past filled with guilt, shame and countless condemnation. How do I take a glimpse at my past that I’m not happy with.
One with so many doubts, several questions and plenty mistakes. One where every step taken is clouded with fear:
– fear of amounting to nothing
– fear that the future looks unpromising
– fear that my life is a waste
– fear that my inner demons were actually powerful.
And how about now? Have I really been able to make progress at all when all thoughts are ” Do I really need to make another effort?”; “Am I not wasting time showing up?” This might be plaguing your mind and giving you sleepless nights. Yet( hold that thought for now)
Look at my neighbor baby Sandra for instance, when she wanted to start crawling, it took TIME. Then she started taking staggered steps, falling countless times. At such period, it might appear the process is LONG, still I saw she continued with smiles despite experiencing continued setbacks in her quest to walk on two feet to her smiling parent until… ( I know you know the afterwards).
Yes, the past may look gloomy and filled with tears. One that you are not proud of. What if I tell you that you were actually growing during that PHASE even though it seems it is SLOW. Not Jim’s way or that of Sarah’s but YOURS. It is really what is going to make you YOU.
Do you know that they were so many people you celebrate now, whose pasts were horrible and terrible. Yep! the famous musician Amadeus Mozart was one with autism; Winston Churchill was known to be dyslexic. What about Richard Branson(dyslexic) who was labelled lazy or not clever by his teachers. Michael Phelps had to battle with ADHD till he decides to rely on swimming to enable him concentrate. And then the well known blind talented music producer and song writer Cobhams Asuquo. The list is truly exhaustive.
Ensure that you are not comparing yourself to anyone because it is your journey and one that is unique. As a matter of fact, your life is really ongoing and did not stop at your past. It is constantly evolving into a colorful fashion.
So GRADUALLY tear down that curtain of despair and hopelessness and not just take a peek at the dazzling light but be immersed in it. You are full of tremendous beauty( that is what those things were trying to point out).